Mets Plead With Murphy: STAND UP!
Hammerhead Snark | April 30, 2009
He' Standing (well, leaning)
After an April horror show many are kindly calling ‘interesting’, the New York Mets have announced lowered expectations for comical left fielder Daniel Murphy. “Right now, in light of all that we’ve seen we’re just hoping Murph can stand up.” A Mets spokesman said under condition of anonymity. During the first 21 games of the 2009 campaign Murphy has managed to bumble, stumble and juggle his way to several costly errors, none more frustrating than his blunder against the Marlins on April 12th that led to two unearned runs and cost pitcher Johan Santana another win. Murphy has fallen backward, lost his glove, dropped sure outs and slid without rhyme or reason in a disturbing display of fielding that Manny Ramirez has called “inspiring”. Since Murphy is transitioning from the infield and because the only replacement is an aging Gary Sheffield the Mets are forced to watch the adventures of Murphy in the outfield and hope he follows through on his promise to: JUST STAND UP.
“Really, he doesn’t have to be an all-star or 5-tool freak, we just want the boy to stand up for an entire inning, that’s all.” Said Mets manager Jerry Manuel. “I think he can do it, I think he has it in him to want to do it.”
Murphy is batting .324, has a home run and 7 RBI’s and is only 24 years old but his inability to maintain his balance while spending time in spacious outfields has several key members of the Mets brass worried.
“You expect some growing pains when a guy transitions from the infield to the outfield but you don’t expect that guy to lose basic motor skills,” an official for the club said also under condition of anonymity. “We all fall down but this kid does it a lot and yes we’re a little concerned.”
Estoy tan cansado de esta
Starting pitcher Johan Santana passed concerned a year ago after seven games he should have gotten a win for were blown by stupid errors and a suspect bullpen. The hurling Venezuelan is now full-steam on his way to homicide if players like Murphy continue to make him look average. Though Santana appears calm on the surface several phone calls from members of Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez’ security detail have peeked the interest of local FBI agents.
No, no, your left, Murph!
In the second inning of a divisional show down with Florida Murphy misplayed a drive deep to left field and dropped a sure out that led to two unearned run for the Marlins who scraped out a 2-1 win. Santana was otherwise dominant going 7 innings, surrendering only three hits and striking out 13. Santana is still 3-1 on the year with a 1.10 ERA but after that gaff he stewed in the dug out and glared at Murphy who was dressing nervously.
“You know some of us we come to play, you know, we here to win,” Santana seethed as he spit in Murphy’s direction, “but other guys, you know they like da da da de da I’m gonna f’ing drop the ball and oh no whoops go me.”
Carlos Delgado and Jose Reyes intervened to steer Santana away but as he was leaving the clubhouse he managed to throw a cleat at Murphy’s locker and yelled ‘Catch that!” in Spanish. Murphy didn’t catch it or the reference.
That's not like Daniel Murphy
Eight days later Murphy was at it again this time in St. Louis when the spastic misplayed a hard liner off the bat of Cardinal Brendan Ryan. Murphy stepped forward, then backward, spun a bit, lost his glove, fell down and watched the ball skip to the wall for a tie-breaking run scoring triple. Centerfielder Carlos Beltran raced to get the ball and relay it to the infield but several replays show he also had time to stare in stoned disbelief at the prone Murphy.
“It’s like he’s afraid, you know, afraid to stand up or something,” Beltran said following the game. “He should be able to stand by now, you know. I mean, once you stand its like a whole new world of opportunities open up right in front of you.”
On April 25th Murphy thankfully didn’t cost the Mets a win when he twice slid awkwardly to try and catch line drives but missed both times. The beneficiaries of Murphy’s unusual form of fielding were Elijiah Dukes who had a triple and Anderson Hernandez who got a single but the Mets still beat the Nationals 8-2 despite Murph’s miscues
You and me, kid... and ShamWow!
“I can stand up,” Murphy said following the game. “Look.” He stood for a moment and then had to put a hand out to brace his fall into a locker. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
Before the clubhouse was closed off to the media pitchman Billy Mays was seen approaching Murphy and pumping his fists in a rhythm.
Murphy started to nod along, began stomping one foot and then yelled, “JUST STAND UP!” Gary Sheffield, Murphy’s 500 home run hitting back up smiled and winked.
