Beware of Sheff
Hammerhead Snark | April 4, 2009
Grrrr...
What else could wake the slumbering sharks from their morphine induced winter coma then a Gary Sheffield sighting. Not even one game into their crucial 2009 season the World Series favorites New York Mets have already shook their delicate deck with the 1-year signing of the head case known as Sheff. Never mind that the Mets are on the hook for only $400,000 of the $14 million Sheff will make this year (the lucky Detroit Tigers get the $13.6 million portion of that bill) and that his right-handed bat will probably crank 20-30 home runs in a full season, what should concern the Mets more is that they have choked horrendously the last two years and now that it’s World Series or bust is having a known mad dog malcontent like Sheff lurking in the fragile locker room a wise decision?
Sheff introduces himself
Sheff is many things… his resume features a lifetime .292 average, 499 homers, 1,633 RBI’S and a 1997 World Series ring but for every on-field accomplishment he has achieved in his career there is a balancing mind-numbing head ache caused by his mouth, fists or combination of the two. Sheff has dodged steroid allegations, been shot in an attempted robbery, was arrested along with his uncle Dwight Gooden after a bender in Tampa, nearly brawled with fans in Boston after a foul ball, did a classic mound charge in 2008 going after Cleveland Indians pitcher Fausto Carmona, claimed Latino players are more prevalent in baseball because they “are easier to control” and after leaving the Yankees accused former manager Joe Torre of treating white and black players differently, adding Derek Jeter is special because he isn’t “all the way black”.
Sheff gives up on fly ball and attacks teammate instead
Sheff is best compared to fellow psych-job run amok Manny Ramirez, a feared hitter with unquestionable talent and the scientifically proven inability to coexist with people, places and things. Like Ramirez Sheff can flat out smack a baseball no matter whom is pitching it and even play the field when he feels like it but is also capable of alienating teammates, managers, fans, cities, TV networks, sponsors, children, pets and fresh air.
Maybe the Mets felt they needed an enforcer to knock some heads around come September when they square off with Philadelphia. No doubt the Mets have been bullied the last two years and if nothing else the presence of Sheff alone will make opposing teams think twice about brush backs since Sheff has no problem walking to the mound with his bat and crushing the pitcher’s skull. Sheff is a crazy man with a vicious swing and a temper that can ignite faster than a tinderbox.
A-Rod makes the mistake of getting too close
The issue with having him around is you never know when and where he will erupt and whom his rage will be directed at. Sheff is a prickly pear and unfortunately no one has been able to figure out what makes him happy. He’s been given money, credit, praise and awards and still he feels slighted. Sheff has the unique ability to blame in general and leave others to wonder if they’re at fault. The Mets have a clubhouse full of quiet veterans united to win a ring with the bitter taste of defeat washing around their mouths. What they didn’t have until yesterday was a talented yet temperamental pit bull foaming at the mouth who can swat the game winning home run and then shove his teammates at home plate because while rounding the bases his mood suddenly soured.
Sheff considers clubbing ump with bat
How the Mets plan on handling their loaded gun remains to be seen. Everyone from Jose Reyes to the PR hacks knows this team is on the clock for a title this year and now the Mets have turned up the heat by inviting the rabid Sheff to prowl the new Citi Field yard. Figure expected starters Daniel Murphy and Ryan Church will have to take turns letting Sheff piss on their corner outfield turf. Can their on-edge locker room function with ole Sheff barking out his running list of injustices and phantom menaces? Manager Jerry Manuel should be advised to carry a taser gun whenever Sheff is roaming and install an invisible fence to protect the fans.
