Snark Sharks

 

 

 It’s not easy being Tennessee football coach Phil Fulmer. Sure, you’re successful, probably saved a lot of money and have a national title ring to your resume but after Wyoming came to Knoxville and jilted the Vols 13-7 to drop Tennessee to 3-7 on the year the calls for Fulmer’s head are near deafening. Fulmer is a fine, decent man and reputable head coach but as Tennessee freefalls and teams like Alabama rise quick the Volunteer faithful have become envious of the sudden success of their rivals and want either instant glory or a scapegoat. It’s unfortunate they are settling for the latter.

 

 

 

 

 

In 1998 Fulmer led Tennessee to the first BCS title by beating Florida State. At that time Fulmer could have walked into the Governor’s mansion in Nashville and declared himself king without so much as a whisper of a challenge. Now he’ll be lucky to leave Knoxville at the end of the year with his hide intact. And why? Because Nick Saban was lured back to the SEC, took over Alabama and has the Crimson Tide at 10-0 and ranked #1 in the BCS.

 

The fans in Knoxville are tired of watching LSU, Florida and ‘Bama consistently compete for titles while the Vols settle for winning seasons, high graduation rates and zero off-field incidents with drugs, weapons and laundered money. So Fulmer will take the blame for not always winning the championship and be booted off campus when the season ends. Fulmer was given the choice of resigning or being fired. He asked for a third option, staying, but for an answer the alumni supporters clicked a 12-gauge shotgun and smiled dryly. 

 

 

Fulmer always had trouble with Florida, whether coached by cartoon nemesis Steve Spurrier or Urban Meyer, constantly endured criticism for having top-notch talent that always underperformed in big games and recently was viewed as being too laid back in the face of Saban’s aggressive recruiting tactics. So the good folks at Tennessee are going to toss Phil to the slag heap of Rocky Top and hope his successor can come close to matching his .746 winning percentage. Good luck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thursday night featured an entertaining game between Virginia Tech and Maryland, a contest the Hokies won 23-13, but the action on the field was secondary to the evolution of ESPN announcer Chris Fowler from mild-mannered commentator into Chris “The Growler” Fowler, a WWE-like character complete with guttural outbursts and childish revving sounds. The usually calm and steady anchor to the frat-boy tangents of Kirk Herbstreit and Jesse Palmer has recently been channeling his inner-Vince McMahon when proclaiming “a harrrrd run” or a linebacker “hhhaaammmeerrrring” a running back. You really want to get on that field, don’t you Chris?

 

 

 

The Uniform Watch was disappointed to discover that Nike, the sports apparel giant, has been slacking in their creative designs for college football team uniforms. A few years back Nike re-designed the Kentucky Wildcats uniforms and gave the ‘Cats a new look of electric blue with the school name across the jerseys and a bold UK logo. Chic, no? The new threads didn’t make Kentucky all that much better but it did distinguish them from the mostly red SEC.

 

 

 

 

 

Then Nike gets the green light to style up the Bison’s from the University of Buffalo and unveils… the exact same design. Buffalo sports all blue home uniforms with blue helmets and an interlocking U and B, just like UK. The name “Buffalo” is also printed across the front of the jersey, just like UK. Chances are these teams will never meet on the field sparing everyone the embarrassment of what would look like an intra-squad scrimmage but Nike should try a little harder next time. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Snark reluctantly accepts that Texas Tech may be for real. After Tech hammered the Cowboys of Oklahoma State 56-20 it’s clear that these Red Raiders are having the season of a lifetime. While the Snark is not entirely sold on the Big 12 as the best conference in college football we are impressed with Tech’s ability to score at will on anybody. In two weeks the Big 12 sorts itself out when Tech travels to Norman to knock heads with the Oklahoma Sooners for the de facto league crown. God help the sorry sap from the Big 12 North who will have to show up for the sponsored title game.

 

With Penn State’s loss to Iowa the road is clear for an Alabama – Texas Tech BCS title game. However both have serious obstacles left and it is doubtful that the teams playing in Miami on January 8^th will be undefeated. That being said, why not have an 8-team playoff to decide the champion? Here’s a list of those we deem worthy of playing for the crystal ball.

 

1)    Alabama - Tide outlast Saban’s ex, then use police corridor to get out of baton Rouge

 

2)    Texas Tech - Really, you score enough points to share

 

3)    USC - If only you played in a real conference

 

4)    Texas - Close game until Horns realized it was Baylor

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5)    Florida - Meyer is winning but wants to win by more

6)    Oklahoma - Had 30 points against A&M before game even began

7)    Utah - A scenic state out west

Acht) Penn State - You shouldn’t lose to Iowa