Warning: OU - UT Not all T-H-A-T
Hammerhead Snark | October 10, 2008
Early October can only mean one thing, the Texas state fair and an accompanying football game known as the Red River Whatever. The Sooners and Longhorns will square off in a contest that since 2000 has been won by an average margin of 24-points in eight games. This flop of a tradition usually finds both Big 12 heavyweights undefeated and a good two months from the winner’s likely embarrassment in a BCS bowl game. The loser has fallen 63-14, 65-13 and 45-12 in three recent match-ups and that can only build confidence with polls and computers. But hell, it’s the Horn’s and Sooners and somebody has to win so make ABC happy and tune in at noon tomorrow. But you’ve been warned.
Saucy little Badger
Right out of WTF the Wisconsin band was suspended. As the football team suffered consecutive losses to Michigan and Ohio State the band had been drinking, fucking and generally hazing each other to pass the time since there wasn’t much to play for. How this is surprising or even punishable is contrary to college life and the Snark says the Badger band should be allowed and even encouraged to act irresponsibly and reckless while they still can and if it’s during halftime even better. Really, have you seen the sorry kids that play in band? Let them have some fun, ok.
Holtz, he's kinda creepy
On Tuesday night Florida Atlantic played Troy and in addition to no one caring there was a strange broadcast team of Mark May and Lou Holtz that combined the Nembutal style of the former Redskin great and ole Lou who sounds like your special gay uncle only drunk. May probably wouldn’t raise his subdued voice an octave if shot and with his logic and reason provides terrific analysis but all you can do is laugh at poor Lou dribbling and stuttering the names of players and what he thinks he sees. It was Tuesday a presidential debate took place and again, FAU and Troy played.
Stone
Precious moment of same broadcast: ESPN sideline gal Rob Stone running a step behind FAU coach Howard Schnellenberger saying, “Coach, you’re a fast walker…” and how Schnellenberger nodded as if to say, “Yeah, ‘cause I’m trying to avoid you and your asinine questions.” Stone was a fill in since the regular girl had trouble dealing with the once a week gig.
Nothing’s guaranteed but bet on Florida and LSU being close and well played. Each has won a National title in the past two years and routinely stocks the NFL with everything from shifty running backs with drug problems to huge lineman who cry at kids chorus concerts but the atmosphere in the Swamp should be electric. Florida has a loss so they can gamble and LSU has to back-up lineman Ricky Jean-Franois boast to take out Tim Tebow. Got get ‘em, Tiger. Good times.
And if the season ended tomorrow here’s who would matter in an 8-team playoff:
Go out there and kill Tim Tebow
1) Alabama – Whoa, Wildcats, Meeowww. The fuck was that all about?
2) Oklahoma – Something about a big hubub in Dallas with a team from that state just south a’ here.
3) LSU – Jean-Francois, you genius you. How will this look should you happen to accidentally knock Tebow out of the game?
4) Penn State – With Wisconsin’s band banned Lion band will reluctantly and without passion play Badger songs too.
We feel ya kid, we watch too
5) Missouri – Missouri isn’t a real state. Oklahoma State is. Battle on you black clad Tigers and neon orange Cowboys.
6) USC – Trojans play Arizona State. Neither starting QB may even play: reminder to run, and have fun.
7) Texas – Saturday’s memo: see OU about fair. Buy lube. Bend over…
Ocho) BYU – Since no one ranked last week lost we start a new tradition and drop someone just ‘cuz. That’s you Utes.
