Snark Sharks

Pac being told bye-bye now

As far as Adam “Pacman” Jones knows he’s going on vacation. After the NFL suspended the ridiculously criminal Dallas Cowboy defensive back for the next four games (story) Jones responded with a wide grin and announced he was hitting “da clubs” to celebrate his leave time. “I play hard and now dey all giving me my space to do my thing,” Jones said. When asked if he knew why he was being asked to leave the team Jones shrugged, “The hell if I know, but I do knows I’s going on vacation, ya hear me.”

Whether or not Jones understands that his four game suspension is punishment for his continued excess with the drink and the fighting and the 1:50am gas station shootings and constant calls from moms and tussles with league-appointed bodyguards or really is permission from the Cowboys for him to simply excuse himself from playing against the Rams, Buccaneers, Giants and Redskins is unknown. But Jones will not be a part of any football related activities during that time however he may think about the game and his relationship to it.

From now until November 16^th Jones will have the chance to reflect on his 0 interceptions, 1 forced fumble, 22 tackles and 3 assisted tackles as a Dallas Cowboy. It’s a lot to ponder.

Pac sees himself in a security monitor

“You know, I appreciate them appreciating me,” Jones said while emptying out his locker. “This is nice. I play hard sometimes, you know, and I feel like, damn I could use like four weeks, you know, just four weeks to chill and not have that old man Wade looking at me funny.”

Jones took several hand guns, some dime bags and blunts and a bottle of pills from his locker and then said he was “ready to roll.”

After an altercation at a Dallas hotel last Wednesday in which Jones allegedly hit a league-appointed bodyguard NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell suspended Jones indefinitely with a review coming up after the next four Cowboy games. How closely the NFL will be monitoring Jones during the next few weeks remains to be seen but sources have confirmed Jones is not hard to track.

Extent of Pac's Cowboy era

Recent public records have shown Adam showing up at an Atlanta strip club when a fight broke out in April of ‘05, being in a Nashville hotel room with a lot of pot smoke in June of ’05, being cited for misdemeanor assault and felony vandalism at a Nashville nightclub in July of ’05, having his Cadillac XLR confiscated in a Nashville drug ring bust in April of ’06, being present at a shooting at 1:50am at a Nashville gas station in April of ’06, being cited for public drunkenness at a Murfreesboro nightclub in August of ’06, being cited for misdemeanor assault at another Nashville nightclub in October of ’06 and of course his much publicized appearance at a Las Vegas event in which a triple-shooting took place, paralyzing one man and leaving Jones with a gross misdemeanor citation. Knowing where Jones is and what he is doing is a bit like shooting ducks in a pond. At any given moment guess that the valiant defensive back is drinking excessively, arguing profusely and gesticulating wildly with firearms.

Pac has several destinations in mind

Jones has five weeks to keep his streak of indecent behavior going. Rumor is Jones has never actually been sober and also includes crack cocaine, opium and Coors Light in his binge approach to training, practice, games and life in general. Even though the suspension is only hours old a Snark hack into Pac’s credit cards shows he’s arranged flights for Miami, Vegas, Miami, Vegas, Vegas again, Miami, New York, Los Angeles, Vegas and Miami.

“I got me some business,” Jones said as he raced to a waiting Benz. “Tell the boys I’m a’ight and tell TO all gonna be right fine, he just wait, OK, I’m out.”

And so begins the second suspension from professional football of Adam “Pacman” Jones.