50, The New Measure of Success
Hammerhead Snark | October 26, 2008
Maybe coaching isn't your calling
Remember when scoring 50 points meant you were Oklahoma running the wishbone and your opponent was a community college that could only suit up eight players because the rest were needed in the fields? Well after Saturday’s scoring explosion cracking 50 isn’t that big a deal anymore. Check out the disturbing results of what sounded like promising match-ups: Oklahoma 58 Kansas State 35, Georgia 52 LSU 38, Texas Tech 63 Kansas 21, Florida 63 Kentucky 5 and Rutgers 54 Pitt 34. The Scarlet Knights rip through of Pitt lends more support for the argument that Panther head coach Dave Wannstedt should quietly pack up his things and turn off the office lights when handing over his whistle, now.
Cowboys staged sit-in to protest loss
Texas is almost done with their brutal schedule stretch that had the Horns face off against Oklahoma, then ranked Missouri, Oklahoma State and now Texas Tech. Texas held on for dear life against the Cowboys in Austin, pulling out a thrilling 28-24 victory that showed character. Next up for Colt McCoy and the Longhorns is a trip to scenic Lubbock, Texas where they will attempt to silence Mike Leach and his Red Raiders who are undefeated but outside of an OT win over Nebraska have yet to be seriously challenged.
A real Dawg pound
Following Georgia’s rout of LSU and Florida’s mauling of Kentucky Gator head coach Urban Meyer issued a gag order on his reptiles in anticipation of the hype that will build before the Gators and Dawgs square off in Jacksonville next Saturday. You may remember when these two SEC powers last met for a cocktail party Georgia scored first, bum rushed the field and stomped on the Florida end zone.
Watch your back UGA
The Bulldogs were penalized and criticized for the stunt but they won the game and now many in Gator country feel it’s payback time. However, Meyer is determined to not let the incident escalate into a war of words prior to kick off. But the Snark has learned that should Florida score first Tim Tebow is planning to shoot Georgia’s mascot Uga right in the head.
Huggins, is that you?
Watching Auburn stumble again in losing their third game in a row, this time to West Virginia, was painful but not as frightening as the sideline interview with Mountaineer head basketball coach Bob Huggins who bares an eerie resemblance and vocal tone to James Gumb, aka Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. Huggins was politely answering questions about the upcoming Big East season when he inexplicably told ESPN announcer Rece Davis to “put the fucking lotion in the basket”.
Aw shut up, you look ridiculous
The uniform watch caught Arizona pulling a no-no. Under head coach Mike Stoops Arizona has promised a lot and delivered very little. On Saturday the Wildcats suffered a trifecta of bad news when basketball coach Lute Olson retired, the football team was beaten by USC 17-10 and sported all-red outfits to go with their dismal blue helmets. Arizona is a respectable 5-3 on the season and gave the Trojans their toughest game aside from a loss to Oregon State but Stoops was hired to win Pac-10 titles and so far Arizona is nowhere near ready for contention.
Willingham tries to knock self out
The Explain Yo Damn Self seminar this week is sponsored by Blackwater and will feature Washington head coach Tyrone Willingham who is 0-7 on the year, got waxed by his former employer Notre Dame 33-7 on Saturday and is running on fumes as the hapless Huskie faithful are demanding an answer for the horrid display of football they are forced to watch each week. Willingham will be protected by bulletproof glass and a 10’ wide moat. All UW students and fans are encouraged to attend and bring one canned good to hurl at Willingham should he leave the glass enclosure.
The BCS rankings are out but fuck ‘em, we like our 8.
Daryll Clark can disco, even when injured
1) Alabama – Year two under Nick Saban, not too bad.
2) Texas – Date with Leach and the Red Blood Suckers from Tech
3) Penn State – Beat Ohio State behind a back-up QB and feng shui
4) USC – Only beat Arizona by 7 but most Trojans admit to not really paying attention during the game
Ugh, it's that Leach guy
5) Techlahoma – Again we combine Oklahoma and Texas Tech since we can’t really tell the difference
6) Georgia – Rang up 52 on LSU on the road… that sound you heard was a bitch slap
7) Florida – Gators romped Wildcats and now prepare to payback Dawgs for last years stomp
Eight) Boise State – Have you seen the Bronco’s schedule? Book ‘em for a BCS game
