Dolphins Name Brown QB, No Go on Blow, Though
Hammerhead Snark | September 22, 2008
Today the Miami Dolphins bucked convention and nixed tradition when they simultaneously named Ronnie Brown the new starting quarterback in a wishbone style offense and also rejected a referendum to have the team name and logo changed to the Miami Blow with a controversial mascot fueling the debate. As starting QB Chad Pennington continued to horrify coaches with his lack of arm strength the Dolphins simply snapped the ball to running back Brown and eliminated Chad from the game plan.
... Brown throw better
Since Pennington is all guts and no arm and after Brown single-handedly dismantled the once proud Patriot defense in a 38-13 romp that included Brown’s 4 rushing touchdowns and 1 throwing the Dolphins figure to have the former Auburn tailback run a wishbone attack with stoner Ricky Williams and fleet but fragile Ted Ginn Jr. in the backfield and maybe an extra receiver or tight end. Pennington chuckled when told of the news. He threw his socks into his locker and mumbled “that figures.”
After the shocking upset of New England in Foxboro which featured three TD’s by Brown taking direct snaps and running the ball the Dolphins consider the season made and now they can have fun.
“Option, why not.” Dolphin big man Bill Parcells said after the game while taking a leak on Bill Belichick’s Mazda Miata. “Look, I’ve had a few, and I’m tired, now get the f— outta here or I’ll piss on you.”
Gerald and his Blow had no chance
Later that very evening a Marketing executive with the Dolphins confirmed that Miami would keep their nickname and logo after an anonymous source proposed an idea for switching the team identity to the Miami Blow. The name would have several ties to the franchise (they blow) and the city (mucho blow) but it was the strange logo of Businessman Gerald that caused the most confusion. Unsure of how to market the controversial brand the team declined to move forward with development discussions.
They looked good
More props to the AFC East as the Buffalo Bills stayed undefeated and put on their classic uniforms to tease their fans. The fresh looking Bills (sans the schizophrenic color and stripe creations of modern editions) came from behind to edge the Oakland Raiders and showed everyone what real football uniforms look like. Though the game was on turf and had Oakland Raider players the scheme of red, white and blue against the silver and black was a visual flashback to the AFC uniform heydays of the 1970’s.
Houchli nabbed Browns for being "too white"
On the flip side the Cleveland Browns continued their face first fall from pre-season hype by losing, again, and doing it in the faggy whites the Snark warned against in a previous fashion column (shameless plug). Looking like Wonka-topped surrender flags Cleveland lost to Baltimore and endured several penalties for the awful uniforms. The Browns have staggered out of the gate the way Ohio State begins BCS bowl games and rumor is Brady Quinn will be getting his shot soon at losing games for the Browns. Wanted official Ed Hochuli tagged the Browns twice for “Excessive Whiteness” and also dodged two real attempts on his life for a botched call that cost the Chargers a game against Denver. Houchuli admits he only “partly” concentrates on the game as most of his time is pre-occupied with those that want him dead.
What the hell are you doing?
After the positive feedback from the Snark sponsored “Explain Yo’ Damn Self” question and answer session last week with Auburn and Mississippi State the Snark will again lead an open forum with the challenged teams from Wake Forest and Florida State and the unfortunate fans, faculty and locals who watched their 12-3 whatever. Auburn and Miss. State gathered after a 3-2 whatthafuck last Saturday and soothed strained relationships with several fan blocks and campus civic groups.
Style points
Lastly, the Snark endorses this shot of Georgia running back Knowshon Moreno scoring against Arizona State as the frontrunner for the Touchdown with most flair, 2008. Georgia beat the Whack-10 Sun Devils 27-10 but may get extra bonus points for the dramatic presentation of Moreno’s score that had one cheerleader (at left) in genuine awe and wonder.
