Snark Sharks

Freshly Squeezed

Celebrity crime writer Dominick Dunne was rushed from the courtroom of OJ Simpson’s armed robbery and kidnapping trial in Las Vegas yesterday.  While covering the brewing story of Simpson’s trial, the 82 year old writer / journalist was cornered by Simpson who stabbed Dunne.  Dunne was in attendance covering the trial for Vanity Fair magazine.  He has covered such high profile trials as the Menedez brothers trial, the Phil Spector trial and Kennedy clan cousin Michael Skakel’s trial.  However this is the first time that while covering a celebrity trial that he was accosted and stabbed.

While entering the courtroom Mr. Dunne was cornered by the former Heisman Trophy winner, who took offense to the senior citizen and cancer riddled writer “eye ballin” him.  A few of OJ’s friends and confidants tried to inform Mr. Simpson that the wordsmith was not “eye ballin” him, but was merely there to glean some coverage of the trial for an article, not to tempt his wrath.  OJ’s long time confidant Al Cowlings informed us that while trying to comfort and placate the aggressively homicidal former running back that a few of the Simpson posse were also cut in the fray.  “Stabby” said Al “That’s what his friends call him, Stabby McStabberton.  When Stabby gets that blood lust in him man you just can’t stop him, man he even slashed his boy Frank Drebin, when Frank tried to grab his wrist.”

We tried to catch up with OJ outside the courthouse this morning before his trial at his merchandise tent.  Before each trial day he hocks the various wares from his “If I Did It” clothing line.  While no one ever purchases the “collectibles” that Mr. Simpson is selling, you can often find him pretending to sign his T-Shirt’s and visors while handing them to non-existent customers.  When we approached the rage filled mad man to try for an interview he charged at us with a Ginsu knife in each hand.  After foaming at the mouth, and stopping to make the Heisman pose he degraded into a series of hoots, howls and guttural moans.

Today’s courtroom proceedings had a noticeably smaller attendance, and the few reporters brave enough to actually continue coverage were clad in head to toe body armor.  While Mr. Simpson seemed light hearted and jovial, the tension throughout the room was palipable.  OJ even chuckled and offered to “hook up” the attendees with his black market DirecTV tuners before today’s session got under way.