What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
Hammerhead Snark | August 27, 2008
W took this picture all by himself
As Tropical Storm Gustav gathers steam in the Caribbean Sea and threatens to form into a category 3 hurricane when it reaches the Gulf of Mexico Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is considering a forced evacuation of New Orleans, and a permanent exodus from the muddy banks of the creepy swamp land (story). On August 29, 2005 Hurricane Katrina slammed into the Crescent City and damn near drowned everyone. The thick as brick idiots that returned to the flood-prone area afterwards are again being asked to leave, this time for good.
“Alright now, y’all gots to go,” Jindal said through a megaphone in a helicopter hovering over the remnants of the 9th Ward, an area known for poverty, crime and receiving the least amount of assistance during a crisis. “C’mon now, ain’t much for y’all to pack up so go on, git.”
Jindal is taking the precautionary measures that former governor Kathleen Blacno blanked on in 2005. Because of Blanco’s hesitancy New Orleans residents suffered through the most devastating natural disaster in United States history, next to the city of Phoenix and the near decade of destruction wrought by the Bush/Cheney emporium of hatred, war and fear.
As many recall, W chose to initially view the devastation of Katrina from the air, at one point saying, “Golly, there sure are a lot of black folk down there. But I don’t care about black people. Hey, who’s hungry?” Once he was assured that those very black people wouldn’t get anywhere near him Dubya decided to touch down and quickly summed up the situation by proclaiming, “Wow, sure would suck to be y’all. Hey, who’s hungry?”
Now, with Gustav barreling towards Cuba Jindal is contemplating clearing the cursed city once and for all. A brief history: New Orleans was settled in 1718 by the French; it was described at the time by Pierre Francois Xaiver de Charlevoix as, “a place of a hundred wretched hovels in a malicious wet thicket of willows and dwarf palmettos infested by serpents and alligators” and not much has changed; in 1788 over 800 buildings were destroyed in The Great Fire and in 1794 200 more shacks went up in flames; in 1803 Napoleon Bonaparte did the one sensible move of his career and sold the mistake by Pontchartrain Lake to the only people dumb enough to buy it, the United States; the city experienced severe floods and storm-related damages in 1849, 1882, 1909, 1915, 1917, 1927 (notice a pattern?) 1947, 1965, 1995 and of course in 2005. Would anyone like to guess what might happen should Gustav strike? Anyone? Oh yes, and in 1967 the city gave birth to the Saints, a cruel joke disguised as a pro football team that is infamous for fans who wear bags on their heads and an owner who dances around with a parasol.
Once known for the charming French Quarter, the birth of Jazz and world-class cuisine, in addition to annually competing with Detroit for “murder capital of the country”, New Orleans has now become a textbook example of how not to engineer a city. Famous for corruption, incompetence and being just plain dumb New Orleans politicians have done everything possible to ensure the city floods again, and again and again. Now, finally, a Bayou bigwig is saying enough.
“Look, I’s does love this lil’ place, lil’ girls, Lil’ Wayne and all of dem lil’ Cash Money Millionaires, but the city is below sea level, it’s on the banks of the Mississippi River and that darn lake and every time the dag gum wind blow we all under water.” Jindal said from the chopper. “Now it’s time we all go make Houston the hell on earth it was meant to be. Hey, who’s hungry?”
