Snark Sharks

And You Thought This Was A Bad Idea?

Rather than just fix it’s lousy Vista software Microsoft has decided to dazzle television-staring morons with commercials to try to sell more of its lousy software. Microsoft will pay comedian Jerry Seinfeld $10 million to appear in ads with Bill Gates to push the Vista package in a clear retaliation to the recent and successful Mac ads (story). However, the decision to use Seinfeld, nearly a decade removed from his peak as a TV sitcom star, and ad agency Crispin, Porter & Bogusky, known for creating the creepy king in Burger King ads, is about as hip as 1996.

 No one is saying Seinfeld isn’t funny. He enjoyed a successful stand-up career prior to starring in the hit show “Seinfeld” and continues to tour with new material. But “Seinfeld” was mostly written by Larry David, the main character of HBO’s “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, and since “Seinfeld” went off the air no one has mistaken Jerry for Chris Rock. He has appeared in commercials for American Express but the Superman-inspired spots didn’t exactly fly. Forgot about those, didn’t you? Seinfeld also tanked with his Bee Movie, an animated mishap that bored kids and confused adults.

But this isn’t about Seinfeld. To a particular audience he still has clout, but that audience hasn’t been hip since America had an elected leader. The decision by Microsoft to use Seinfeld in an attempt to lure a younger generation into using their crappy Vista system is silly at best, and not in a funny way. Using a Seth MacFarlane animation would be hip, having Dave Chappelle resurface would be hip and exciting, hell having Carrot Top attack Mac pitchman Justin Long would be more hip than Fusilli Jerry. Seinfeld is ready for Vegas, not the future.

Microsoft, though, has staked it’s name on copying other people’s ideas, claiming those ideas as their own and crushing any competitor that tries to introduce a better product into the marketplace. Don’t let goofy Gates fool you he’s as caring and fair as Dick Cheney. His software monopoly has become the Budweiser of technology, awful and everywhere.

Microsoft is reportedly rolling out a $300 million campaign this fall to promote the Vista disaster but what they should be doing is investing that money in programmers who can write software that works. Banking such an amount on an agency with mediocre talent (the king was dumb luck, not genius) and a comedian most people under the age of 30 do not know is not going to fix the fact that your software sucks.

Again, this is nothing against Seinfeld. Taking $10 million to prep viewers for an inevitable return to the small screen is a clever idea. But Microsoft’s attempt to again shout down reason is getting tired. Rumors say other celebrities will be in the mix but watching P. Diddy and Hannah Montana dance around an inept operating system is more a sign of the apocalypse than savvy marketing.

Here’s an idea, evil software giant, why not have the burger King and his plastic mug of childhood fears pitch your maddening Vista system. If the King can get people to eat crap he can certainly coax them into buying it.