Snark Sharks

You can be my wing man anytime

For your Labor Day amusement enjoy these memorable moments in sports that remind everyone gay happens. As you all grill, drink, fight and struggle to explain to the police how your best friend got a Jart lodged in his ear browse these photos depicting men and sports mixing in the most interesting ways.

My top choice is still this touching moment between Bill Parcells and Bill Belichick, two of the more well known divas of pro football sharing a tender moment after a Jets – Patriots game in which the urge to embrace and kiss each other with an unbridled passion has been characterized as a sign of respect, enduring friendship and… being gay. This photo has inspired two new films to be released next summer titled “Grumpy, Old Gay Men” and “How Your Asshole Father Met Your Other Asshole Father.”

The Hilton, room 212, bring the lube

Back then it was odd. Now with the disclosure of Magic Johnson’s HIV status and Isiah Thomas failing to cover up the fact he fathered a gay son the image takes on more meaning. At the time announcers would try to explain the awkward pre-game ritual as something the two superstars picked up while vacationing in Europe but it never quite satisfied the doubters who thought Magic was too happy and Isiah too girly for real men. And it was also never mentioned that the “vacation” consisted of Turkish bath houses, Greece and leather bars in Berlin.

Before the kitty litter flew

Unfortunately this “better times” moment is all I could find for Deion Sanders and Andre Rison in terms of still images but click here (cat fight) for the video of the now infamous bitch slap fest that took place in Atlanta in 1994 between the Falcons’ Rison and the 49’ers’ Sanders during a then NFC West game. Shortly after Rison’s, ahem, girlfriend Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes would burn his house down. What were never released to the public were Lopes’ comments about Andre’s Luther Vandross collection, albums and pictures, and a whacked-out video with “That bitch Deion.” Lopes died in a mysterious car crash in Honduras but is it just coincidence Neon Deion was in the area with Suge Knight?
 

You're mine!

Gary Sheffield is known for being a fearsome slugger and prickly pear. But he does have his ambiguous moments, like this gem in which Sheff pins Yankee Derek Jeter’s arms back and imposes his will on the poor shortstop after scoring a run. What else Sheff scored is not known but Jeter is still single and Sheff is making life miserable for the Detroit Tigers. What was missing from this photo was the “I’ll scratch her eyes out stare” being leveled at Sheff from a fuming Alex Rodriguez in the “on-deck” circle. 

Daddy's got you

You may not recall the disturbing moments following Super Bowl XIX after the New York Giants, behind an amazing performance by Phil Simms, went from conquerors to questionable pedophiles when nose tackle Jim Burt damn near made out with his son on the sideline. Jim Burt once leveled Joe Montana so hard he almost ended the QB’s career but in terms of shock and awe the scene of Burt and his kid, since removed from most internet video sites, is one that is better left in the vault. Instead we give you this picture from Burt’s later days as a 49′er in San Francisco. How appropriate Jimbo. Now let the kid go you sexual miscreant. 

Can you feel me now?

And of course no Queer Eye on the Sports Guys column would be complete without the obligatory wrestling photo. I don’t know who these two are and I don’t care, they will have to explain this to a circuit court judge and their wives. Yes, this is a move but whether it supposed to score points on the mat or off is up to you to decide.