Plax Will Practice If And When He Wants
Hammerhead Snark | August 10, 2008
Yeah, baby, I can talk, we only playing Arizona
Tired of playing his shell games with the Giants, mercurial head case Plaxico Burress finally came right out and revealed his inner Diva: “Like I said, Plaxico Burress has to take care of Plaxico Burress.”
This is in reference to Plax not practicing with the Giants until his dainty right ankle is 100%, which if we’re using the Plax-o-meter may again mean only on Sundays, a Thursday night and/or a Monday night, maybe. He’ll let us know after he makes some calls, checks the movie listings and naps for a bit.
Plax is due to make $3.25 million this year and he’s none to happy about that or the fact he did not make the Pro Bowl last year. Catching the game-winning touchdown pass from Eli Manning and garnering a ring while putting a halt to New England’s attempt at perfection simply isn’t enough for Plax. He wants more money, more attention, a pedicure, a Sony record deal and some Thai brides.
“I probably could go out there, but I want to be my normal self,” Plax said on Sunday. Exactly, Plax could practice but why be something he’s not? “I’m going to go out and do the things I’m capable of doing,” Plax deadpanned, which include running routes he prefers, catching the ball if and when he wants and referring to himself in the 3rd person as often as possible without choking on his own vomit.
Plax was an irritation at Michigan State, a headache with the Pittsburgh Steelers and now he continues his childish behavior with the Giants albeit with mad skills. The 6’5”, 232lb receiver has sure hands, no fear going over the middle and the balls to wear #17 instead of the professional standard for wide receivers of any number between 80 and 89.
When told of Plax’s decision Giant head coach Tom Coughlin, a kind and understanding chap, muttered incoherently, swatted at imaginary flies and whacked his head with the playbook. Eli Manning simply shrugged and gave off that goofy “aw shucks” grin. The hell does he care, he’s a Super Bowl MVP.
Last year Plax practiced 10 games and that will be a benchmark for this season. With Jeremy Shockey wasting away in the Louisiana swamplands the Drew Rosenhaus’ brainwashed, spoon-fed malcontent is in the running to unseat Terrell Owens as the NFL’s top Diva-Ceiver. Now run along kids, Plaxico is taking care of Plaxico, and we should all be so lucky.
I'm Per-Plax'ed by the whole Plax-uation. You know I'm
I’m Per-Plax’ed by the whole Plax-uation. You know I’m pretty sure that most of these idiot Diva-ceivers forget that they get paid millions and millions of dollars to play a game…. a game.
Suck it up and be part of your team. Practice can’t be that fucking bad. I mean I’d let someone punch me in the love sack every day for $3.5M a year.