Snark Sharks

Paul "Nash" Donahue

Today the series of tubes were bursting from the bulge of male exposure. Two University of Nebraska wrestlers, Paul Donahue (a 2007 NCAA champ at 125lbs) and Kenny Jordan, were caught masturbating and showering on the gay porn site fratmen.tv, stirring the gays, jocks and media snarks into a Google frenzy to see the two welterweights showing off their corn huskers. Shocking? Hardly.

Kenny "Cal" Jordan

Really, is there any sport on this green earth more homo erotic than amateur wrestling? Not even professional wrestling, gymnastics or reruns of Home Improvement can match the sheer boyish sexuality of freestyle and Greco-roman grappling. Wrestling provides young men in great shape wearing tight singlets in a 6-minute duel for domination. Can’t imagine gay men would find that appealing. You know who else enjoys 6-minutes of pleasure, LL Cool J (video) but that’s for another post.

Kenny and Paul (aka Cal and Nash) have yet to speak to anyone about their posing and stroking so who knows if they were even aware of where the pictures and videos were going to end up but wrestling folk you have to understand that if you’re involved in man-on-man near-naked romping you’re going to attract gay men (and Mindy Cohn, you know, Natalie from Facts of Life who on the show dated a wrestler). It’s like Madonna, house music and crystal meth… follow the white lines, pulsing beat and Madge and you’ll find the gays. You may not like what you find but you went looking. Just like all the gawkers who made fratmen.tv, an otherwise basic boy candy site, shoot up the organic search engine rankings. Of course most probably turned back after realizing it’s a pay site. Kenny, you’re cute but I can watch guys 10 times hotter fuck until dead for free.

Nebraska officials say they are investigating the situation and head coach Mark Manning went so far as to claim, “we’re not going to make a statement in regards to Paul and Kenny being in our program.” The program? Here’s where Chris in Boiler Room looks at Seth in bewilderment and says “Your involvement in the firm?” Manning, your sport revolves around the very idea of one man bettering the other in a pseudo-sexual battle of the crotch wedge and teabag. The program is homosexuality and buddy you’re in it.

For some reason wrestling has flown under the gaydar for a lot of people out there who instead imagine figure skating and pole vaulting to be more up the gays’ alley. Well, it’s not. Gay men like to watch men wrestle, not land spins and loops and wheeee hop over a poll. The very idea that wrestlers deny that they are involved in a time-honored tradition of homosexual behavior (check Greek history) is preposterous. These may be the same men who grow up, get married, have kids and fuck other men in leather bars high on amyl nitrates.

I don’t know if Kenny and Paul are gay, maybe they just thought they could make a few bucks and you know, look gay. To their hetero street cred the pictures and video are solo action and pretty vanilla, although the bed humping parts will entice the back end users. But I do know that when a male strips and plays with himself he’s inviting a certain tribe to come and watch. The same goes for men in tight spandex groping each other in a struggle for topping each other. Wrestling is pure homo entertainment whether the participants are gay or not. Ban ‘em from the ‘team’ if you want but it won’t stop porn, gays or the Internet.