Manny Being Manny
Great White Snark | July 28, 2008
This is from Manny's upcoming men's wear collection
Well it seems that the beantown has finally gotten to Manny Ramirez to the point that the Snark Sharks favorite MLB wackadoo has requested a trade to Iraq. (See ESPN story here). Ok, so you’ve just got to love such a demented nutbag don’t you? Here are some of my favorite quotes from Manny which are then translated into the human version of the English language that the rest of us speak.
“I’m tired of them. They’re tired of me,” - what Manny Being Manny is trying to say here is “I’m crazy”
“If the Red Sox are a better team without Manny Ramirez, they should trade me; I will not object,” - what our good friend MBM is trying to in his own eloquent manner say here is “I’m crazy, really I’m certifiable, you should institutionalize me for the safety and welfare of myself and the public at large”
“I don’t have any preferences. I could choose a team that offers me the best conditions or one in the chase for the postseason. I don’t care where I play, I can even play in Iraq if need be. My job is to play baseball,” - Ok there are some real subtle nuances to the MBM speak here accurately translated this reads - Seriously guys I’m crazier that batshit. I am crazier than Nicholson in The Shining. It’s entirely possible that have killed a man and eaten him. Now I’m not saying I did… but if I did, he most definitely didn’t taste like chicken, and he went really well with chimichurri, and black beans and rice on the side”
“I don’t want to be a problem and a distraction to the Red Sox in such a critical moment of the season. I want to help the team, even if that means I have to go.” - MBM really lays his heart on the line here. What he’s trying to say is : Do you hear the voices? I hear them. They tell me to throw potato’s at my neighbor, and eat raw rutabagas. One time I pushed a man in front of the subway. His ghost comes to me at night and we play checkers, but he things we are playing chess so I tell him to king me and he pokes me in the eye when I win. Why do some people say “cray-ons” and some people say “crowns” - they aren’t crowns… it says right on the label “crayons“. I don’t like birds. Oh look a dust bunny - I wonder why they call them bunnies. Why not dogs, like a dust dog. I had a dog once his name was Pete. You ever seen Pete and the Dragon that was cool.
When they asked GM Theo Epstein about MBM’s great nuggets of wisdom he told reporters - “Our focus is on this team — which is in the middle of a pennant race — and in any case it would be premature to comment now on an off season contractual issue,”. Now it’s a lot easier to translate a person that is working with all their mental faculties intact. What Theo meant to say was - Are you fucking kidding me? World Series rings, $20M dollars a year and this fucking nut job that should be in a straight jacket is ripping us in the press. I have half a fucking mind to send this section 8 to Iraq. Good fucking luck Manny, don’t let a mortar hit ya where the good lord split ya!
I really hope they don’t trade MBM. Unless they trade him to a team that have giving Manny his own TV show in the verbiage. I’d love to see him interview Omarosa - and beat her over the head with a bat when she snatches her book out of his hand. Then the Undertaker can tombstone her off the top of the steel cage where Manny holds his interviews. A Snark can dream can’t he?
